I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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