this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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