i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize