I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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