How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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