all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
