If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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