my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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