WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
