Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
