summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
