I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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