that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
