You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
