Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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