She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
