I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
