ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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