i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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