Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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