Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
