I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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