he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
