In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
