A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
