you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
