My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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