I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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