I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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