don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
