At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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