The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize