Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Damn victory sex feels great
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
