did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
