piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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