so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
