he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
