i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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