Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize