I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
only you would photoshop your dick
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
