party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
