O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
