I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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