So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
