so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
bring money and cleavage
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
