what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you inspire me to be a worse person
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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