i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
