if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
