Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
