Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
