Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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