Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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