omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
