I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
