she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
