We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
