Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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