I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
