ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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