How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
