they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
