I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize