This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
