woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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