She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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