So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
