Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
