I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They took my balls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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