I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
