They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
