So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize